How to Get All the Girls
by Jonouchi Katsuya
Summary: Joey is jealous of Ryou and Duke's fangirls. Will he ever learn how to get all the girls? Lots of slashing. :P  Rated M for Language, Adult situations and Sexuality. Primarily slash for Snare, Puff, Minor.-NOW COMPLETE-
1. Just Eat Worms

**A/N- April 26th- Well, now that this is a completed story I guess I have to put a new header on this. Well, It is complete! I would like to thank the7joker7 for all of his help. He started helping me on chapter 4 of this story and out of that, blossomed a beautiful friendship. This fic brought us so close. **

**The following story has a lot of slashing, vulgar humor, sexual things are discussed and some things are done. This is above all a comedy and I wouldn't really call this romance, but what romance story really is... well some are but not this one. This is more male _romantic_ comedy. Kaiba does appear but... _ahh_ I won't spoil it. LOVE YOU ALL. Thanks so much for the reviews, favorites and support. I cherish every view. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yugioh.**

_His long black hair and sexy green eyes were the envy of every male in Domino High, that and his fan club was nothing to sneeze at. With the roll of his dice, he was more than just a conventional lover; he was a god's gift to women. His hugs were warm, his kisses sensual: he was most certainly the friendliest guy in school. His name: Duke Devlin. _

_There was also another boy with a fan club too and his name is Ryou. His approach to his fan club is much different. Instead of welcoming the girls with open arms like Duke, Ryou mostly just runs away. This is something I do not understand. Why would a girl want a guy who doesn't want them around? How does he get them all to stay? I just don't get it. _

Joey continued to ponder this throughout the day as girls surrounded Ryou during every break in-between classes. He groaned whenever a girl squealed over Ryou. Ryou just kept politely telling the girls to leave him alone and that he really needed to pull out his textbooks for next class. All the girls thought it was cute. Well, all the girls except Tea. But she didn't count. She was not only his friend but, she and Yugi were dating.

"Hey girls! Why don't ya just hang out with me?" Joey stood up with his arms wide open, half expecting the girls to just flock to him because at least he wants them. Unfortunately Joey's ego was hurt when the girls went 'ew' and back to obsessing over Ryou.

Joey sat back down only to look to his left to see Téa and Yugi laughing at him. "Some friends you are," Joey huffed. "How does he get all those girls anyway? I just don't get it."

"Clearly," Téa said.

"Why don't you ask him how he does it?" Yugi encouraged.

Joey raised an eyebrow. He never really thought about doing that. But Ryou always freaked him out. That white hair and pale skin made him look ghostly. Joey attempted to shake away the thought of ghosts. Even after the shake, he could still feel a chill go up his spine.

"Doesn't Duke also have a fan club too?" Tea reminded. "If you don't want to ask Ryou, you could always ask him. He seems _friendly_ enough…" As Téa began to trail off Tristan, from behind the three, began to laugh.

"Friendly is an understatement!" Tristan's fist was hitting his desk he was laughing so hard. Nobody else was laughing. "Aw, come on you guys, it was funny!"

"More comfortable asking Duke. Ryou seems too shy to tell me," Joey said getting up as the final bell rang.

"Joey," Mr. Tanaka waved Joey to his desk. Joey waved his friends goodbye as he walked towards the teacher's desk. Joey looked back at the teacher. "Pull up a seat," Joey obeyed and held in a defiant groan. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Joey stated shrugging his shoulders as he leaned back in his chair. He just wanted to go home.

"Joseph, if you don't want to be in school, just drop-out. I don't need you taking up space in my class."

The teacher's stern voice weighed on Joey. Joey was completely hunched over, with is elbows on his legs, looking at the floor between them. He began to focus on the little dots on the carpet.

"You may leave."

Joey got up, grabbed his bag, and left.

He had been talked to by many teachers over the years, more than he had fingers an toes. Usually they were telling him to ship up or shape out… he wondered if that was the proper order of the saying. Not to say he hadn't thought about dropping out, but, he had to support himself somehow and in this society, education was everything, even if he wasn't interested… he had to complete high school.

Under a tree there laid Duke; using a fan girl as a pillow so he wouldn't have to let his long hair touch the ground. The girl was stroking his long hair. He had seven other girls seated beside him. Duke was telling girls in his fan club, how pretty they all are when he noticed Joey was standing over him. A smirk came across his face.

"So, is there a reason why you are interrupting my club meeting?" Duke asked.

Joey looked away trying to keep his ego intact with what he was about to say, "Please teach me how to pick up girls!" _This moment was brought to you by JoeyFail. com._

"Sure," Duke said chuckling.

"Really?" Joey was really surprised.

"Yeah, but only if you do a few things for me," Duke was stroking his chin.

"Nevermind. I'll just figure it out myself then," Joey uncomfortably waved goodbye and turned the other direction to walk home.

"Oh, so then you don't want to learn from the master on how to pick up girls?" Duke stood up looking even more cocky than usual. Joey hated him for it. "Well, go ahead, continue to be hopelessly single and never get laid ever," Duke fiddled with his own hair and walked up to Joey. In a show of male dominance he grabbed his chin. "You wouldn't want to be a virgin forever would you?"

Joey hit Duke's hand away. Of course he would lose it before he left high school. Pssh! He didn't need lessons for that.

"I am not a virgin and I can do that by myself, thanks," Joey gritted through his teeth then turned around and walked off.

"Bye virgin-boy! Have fun being a virgin!" Duke yelled. His fan girls all laughed.

_The nerve of that guy…_

At home Joey pulled out his textbooks opened them, then closed them. He looked outside to see that the sun was shining still and thought about all the things he would rather do than study. Joey reached his hand upward arching his back and tilting his chair backwards. He leaned forward once more, opening his book. _Math… one of all of the subjects I am currently failing. It is such a pretty day. I should do P.E. first. No homework for that though…_

Joey put his textbooks away and picked up the phone. It started to ring in his hand. He looked at the caller I.D. Motou, Solomon. He couldn't help but laugh at their psychic connection.

"Hello," Joey answered the phone.

"Hey! I was just wondering how things went with Duke. Did he tell you anything special?" Yugi, as usual genuinely interested in whatever anyone had to say.

"Nah, that dude's a jerk!" Joey felt a tad of rage building back up just thinking about it.

"Really? I thought he seemed nice. Oh well. Hey, do you want to come over and play Duel Monsters?" Yugi asked.

"You're done with you're homework?" Joey was surprised, though it did take him a little longer to get home.

"Since when do you care?" Yugi retorted playfully.

"You're right! Be right ova'!"

_Sounds way more fun than homework any day._

**A/N: Hopefully you liked it! Please review and tell me what you thought. (even if you didn't like it)**


	2. Lunch Time Honesty

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh!**

Hanging out with Yugi always caused him to have the strangest dreams about girls. This was most certainly because of the X-rated material they were watching the night before. This time it was girls jumping on a trampoline, like on The Man Show, only naked and not in schoolgirl uniforms. Then they started flying in the air using their breasts as floatation devices. It was hot.

Joey looked at the clock. It was almost time to leave already. He looked over to see Yugi's feet poking out from under the blankets and his head completely covered by the comforter. Joey shook Yugi's foot, "Hey dude, it is time to get up!"

"Nnnn," Yugi groaned, holding the comforter tighter, preparing for war. With one quick tug of the blanket, Joey had revealed Yugi wearing nothing but his boxers.

"Get hot?" Joey teased.

"So tired, I need more sleep," Yugi tried to block out the light with his pillow.

Joey yanked the pillow from Yugi's possession and threw his school uniform at him. "Put it on. No time to perfect your hair today," Joey said putting his Yugi's backpack over his shoulder.

"I'm _not_ leaving the house without my hair being how I want it!" Yugi yelled. Yugi bounced into his clothes and was making his way to the bathroom at the same time.

A knock came to the bathroom door. "Sweetie? Téa is here to walk with you to school!"

"Be out in a minute mom!" Yugi yelled. Joey rolled his eyes knowing how long it takes for Yugi to do his hair.

"Just take your hair stuff with you Yug', I can't afford to be late!" Joey suggested.

Téa made her way up the stairs and barged into the bathroom, "Come on Yugi! We have to go!" Yugi was still holding his freeze spray when Téa dragged him down the stairs. Joey kindly grabbed his comb so his buddy could finish his hair at school.

They arrived five minutes before the first bell would go off. Joey sighed with relief but knew without his textbooks today, he was going to get into a mess of trouble with his teacher. _Oh well, at least I am here,_ Joey thought.

Every subject change was torture. He had to lean over to look at Yugi's book as the teacher looked at him like he was the scum of the earth. It probably wouldn't have been a big deal if it didn't happen so much. Sometimes his dad would kick him out of the house for the entire night and there was no way to get his book bag. Other times Joey elected himself to leave and just forgot that he might not return home to get it before school.

Lunchtime, the best time of the day, Joey thought. Joey's feelings about lunch were only to be matched by one other person, Tristan Taylor.

"Finally, the best part of the day: Lunch!" Tristan said.

"Yeah I know. Did ya see the way teach was lookin' at me?" Joey asked

"Yeah. He looked like he was going to murder you!" Yugi exclaimed.

Téa pointed over at the front of the lunch line, where a group of girls were begging Ryou to cut in front of them. Joey scoffed at the scene occurring in front of him, "Psh! Some guys have all the luck!"

"Maybe you will have more luck with Ryou. He seems nice enough that he would beg for you to take all of those girls off his hands," Yugi suggested.

Yugi had a point. Duke likes his fans but, Ryou, he is something else and wants them all to just go away. _I would be doin' him a fava'_, Joey thought, punching his fist into his hand.

When Ryou had pulled away from all the girls he started walking over towards the gang. "Whew!" Ryou said fixing his hair, "Those girls are quite tough aren't they? I told them I packed my lunch and I guess they were so sad that… quite honestly I don't know what came over them," Ryou laughed nervously hoping he wasn't being a bother.

"Umm Ryou, I wanted ta ask ya somethin'," Joey started.

"Oh! I would be happy to answer if I can," Ryou said cheerfully.

"How do ya get all those girls to follow you around like that?" Joey asked.

"Unfortunately, I can't really tell you that," Ryou blushed and seemed genuinely sorry that he couldn't help Joey.

"Oh, so ya don't know?" Joey sighed and looked down at his feet.

"I do, but you see, I have been sworn to secrecy by a very nice gentleman-"

"Duke," Joey groaned. He just knew it. _So Ryou actually wants all those girls to himself,_ Joey thought.

"Why yes! How did you know?" Ryou asked quite surprised at Joey's quick guess.

"'Cause he's the only person round here wit' girls followin' him everywherez." Joey rolled his eyes.

"Well I suppose it is obvious. I suppose I could ask Duke about giving you lessons; no doubt he will want something in return," Ryou was trying to think about this carefully.

"I'll do it," Joey feared he would regret saying that, but there was just no other way around it. If he wanted all the girls, he would have to learn from the masters. Besides, Ryou isn't the type of person that would want to embarrass or otherwise hurt anyone. Maybe with him around Duke wouldn't do anything too terrible? Joey smiled at the thought of all the fan girls he would have after all the lessons were over.

"Well, I will go talk to Duke then and we can all arrange times to hang out!" Ryou said cheerfully skipping away, fan girls on his heels.

And so, Joey and his friends all got lunch and went back to class. After school, Joey was finally going to start learning, how to get all the girls.

**A/N: So what did ya all think? Even if you don't have much to say, it is always good ta leave a review for me. Even if you can only muster up that "I liked it" line, it is ok with me. Nice to have feedback. If you have more to say than just that like "You really need to work on your grammar" I am cool with that too. I know my grammar sux. Anywayz- hoped you all like this story. :) I enjoy writing it.**


	3. Project Lavender

**A/N: Kinda AU by now. LOL. but Hopefully you still like it.**

The time was set. Joey was to start his training as a master pick up artist with all sorts of girls fawning over him in a fanclub. He was to be at Ryou's house at 4pm. He was very nervous. He had never been to Ryou's place and Ryou was kinda scary with his politeness and the fact that he plays with an occult deck. And that white hair? It looks so natural and not processed at all. So ghostly. In thinking about this, Joey touched his own hair. He sighed. _I wonder if Ryou's house is as haunted as he looks._

In Ryou's house, Ryou slowly pealed the banana and looked in the fridge for something. Duke gestured to Joey to take a seat. Joey looked around nervously before he sat; wondering if he was playing a trick.

Ryou's house looked nothing short of perfect. Every wall was a pastel. The kitchen, the room he was in, was pastel green. The furniture all looked like it came straight out of a dollhouse. This attribute also made it look haunted to Joey and quivered at the thought.

"Ok," said Duke, "when Ryou is done pouring chocolate syrup on that banana, you will show us how you eat it. "

"How will _that_ get me girls?" Joey asked.

"Don't ask silly questions," Duke winked.

Joey got a very uneasy feeling even though he was about to eat. How could Duke possibly ruin eating for him? He loved eating. But people judging the way he ate? _Is there a wrong way?_

Ryou handed Joey the half pealed banana with chocolate syrup on it. Some of the chocolate dripped on Joey's hand before he started eating it. Ryou and Duke looked at each other in disappointment and then at the candidate to learn their ways with women. When Joey was finished he quickly licked some of the chocolate off before washing his hands. Joey looked over at Ryou and Duke to them rolling their eyes.

"What did I do wrong?" Joey asked.

"Joey, I am afraid you failed the pretest," Ryou looked down and away from his student.

"WHA? All ya guys asked me ta do was eat it!" Joey protested.

"But eating it was not the point you idiot," Duke sighed in heavy disappointment, "It was how you ate it."

"Well then, how was I supposed ta eat it?" Joey irked.

Ryou and Duke both looked at each other; smiles on their faces. Duke looked up and down at Ryou's small frame with a smirk plastered on his face. Joey felt very uncomfortable with the animalistic stares being passed back and forth. _Are they…?_

"Show him Ryou," Duke's sensual voice caused Ryou to tense up.

Ryou laughed nervously and grabbed a banana. With his thumb he rubbed up the top part of the banana and pressed down at the tip; breaking the seal. With his teeth he pulled down one side of the banana and the other side of the peel just fell effortlessly. As Ryou gripped the banana, Duke poured chocolate syrup on it. Ryou bit his bottom lip in anticipation. With a pant he let out a tiny whimper and before Duke finished drenching the banana in the syrup, the eager Ryou began to catch it in his mouth. Duke took away the syrup, this made Ryou go straight to licking off the chocolate whilst making the most beautiful sounds.

Meanwhile, Joey sat in horror as this occurred right in front of his very eyes. He wanted to close them, but he was oddly fascinated that Ryou didn't care that he had gotten chocolate syrup in his hair. He watched as Ryou fit the entire banana in his mouth and had sucked off the remainder of the chocolate syrup as he pulled it back out. Ryou put the entire banana in his mouth a second time and it did not come back out. _Did he just swallow that banana whole?_ Joey thought.

"And that is how it's done," Duke said putting his hands on his hips. Duke looked very pleased at Ryou's work.

"How is _this _gonna to get me girls?" Joey asked.

Duke looked at Ryou before answering Joey, "Simply? Women want what they can't have. You want girls too much, so they run away from you. If you acted like you didn't want girls, and something else, they would flock back. That is the way women work," Duke said firmly. He smiled at Joey.

"Don't worry Joey, we can teach you how to not be interested in girls!" Ryou said cheerfully.

"But, I _am_ interested," Joey retorted. What did he mean not interested in girls. Girls were the whole reason he was doing this!

"Regardless… if you want them, you have to act like you don't want them or don't need them," Duke said. "Since you have no current girls after you, you must go with a more outgoing approach," Duke placed one hand on his chin thinking.

"Are you saying…?"

"Why yes, Joey. Let's just call it Project Lavender," Ryou gave a not so innocent smile, then walked off to the bathroom to wash up.

Joey had no idea what he had just gotten himself into.


	4. Duke of Lies

Two cowboys in school uniforms, wind blowing in their hair. No horses to ride- skipping over the cowpies, and surveying the land for tail. Will the school uniforms just magically blow up by the power of the wind god and the goddess of luck? Joey could only hope.

"Pay attention, this is important. These girls, they divide themselves up into cliques. You've got your artsy ones, sporty ones, wallflowers, goths, cheerleaders, brainiacs...think of this school like a Baskin Robbins, and you gotta pick the flavor. It's a blank pizza, and you gotta pick the toppings." Duke said majestically, pointing at each and every girl that emerged from the front doors of Domino High.

"What are you, hungry?" Joey grunted. "You wanna go eat? It's lunch time."

"It's a good metaphor." Duke waved at one of the girls who had caught a glimpse of him and was now waving at him enthusiastically. "You know what that word means? Metaphor?"

"Stop talkin' about food." Joey folded his arms across his chest, eyes on the teems of people exiting the school. "I don't want to eat em."

A distasteful joke died in Duke's throat, and he proceeded. "Some girls don't define themselves so strictly. Maybe they hit the softball diamond one day and paint a bowl of fruit the next. Ace the math test by day, cut themselves to mournful music by night. Now, I'm telling you this because it defines how you gotta talk to them. The cheerleaders, they're after a status symbol. The brains? They want the smart guy. Imagine you're a salesman, selling yourself, you gotta construct a different pitch for each type. Does that make sense?"

"I get it! They are girls so I should treat them special and stuff. I already know that. Move on." Joey's whole body tensed up in an annoyed tizzy.

"No need to get angry." Duke grabbed Joey's hand. "So rough." His thumb rubbed over Joey's palms up to his fingertips before fully embracing it with his long graceful fingers.

"Well, I do a lot of work around the house and- uhh. Umm,"Joey continued to sputter and pull at Duke's tight grip. "Let go!" Duke continued to drag Joey until they reached the front doors.

"Now, I need you to just flow with me here and go with whatever I happen to say. I promise, you will have girls all over you for the entire morning." Duke's gaze seemed to go right through Joey. Part of Joey wanted to kick his ass and the other... well, he would never admit to that. Inside the school, Joey could feel his face turn beet red. Duke looked back and smirked and then his fangirls crowded around him.

"Hey ladies," Duke gave a wink and a smile to his loyal fans.

All the girls made swooning sounds. "Who do you have there, Duke?" one girl asked. She smiled sweetly with her hands behind her back. All of the girls looked at her than at Duke, all waiting for an answer that would satisfy them. Duke started to twirl a part of his hair with one finger.

Joey's heart raced. All these girls just saw him holding hands with this guy and now...wait... he is[was?] still holding hands with Duke! Joey's hand began to clam up. With his other hand he tried to release himself from Duke's grasp but instead of gaining his freedom from Duke, Duke just grabbed Joey's other hand.

"Oh, this?" He pulled on Joey's other arm so they would face him. He pointed at Joey. The girls all waited in utter silence. Then Duke shook his ponytail and rocked back a shoulder giving the girl "The Look". To Joey's horror, Duke's face got real close to his own. "This is my boyfriend."

Joey pushed off from Duke. All the girls squealed. Duke let go of Joey's hand. Joey was in total shock. But girls were surrounding him, fussing over him. Why? Didn't it- wasn't what- he just- gay?

But, the girls loved him. They surrounded him. They gave him their numbers? Joey was in complete shock. He had... numbers...of girls.

"Call me! So cute! I love you!" the girls' voices all seemed to melt together. It completely overwhelming for Joey who had before this incident, never received positive female attention.

When the first bell rang most of the girls skipped off to class and Joey looked at Duke in astonishment. Joey's face was a jumble of emotions.

"Better get to class, Joey, or else," Duke put one hand on his shoulder, trailed a finger accrossed to the other shoulder. Duke skillfully held out his other in the opposite direction allowing for one lucky girl to grab hold, "you'll be late."

Joey held out one hand just as Duke had. Out of no where appeared a very pretty girl he had seen in class. "You want me to walk you to class?" she asked with a sheepish smile.

"Uh... sure?" Joey blushed and just couldn't believe what had just happened. A girl was escorting him to class.

But Joey was brought back to reality when the girl said "So, have you kissed Duke yet?"

"I-I don't swing tha-" _I'm not gay! Oh shit- what are the guys going to think? Kaiba... FUCK. Duke just gave him a million years of ammo! I am going to murder that guy!_

"Oh," she said. "Waiting until the time is right? How cute. No need to be shy." She snuggled his arm. "You know, I really like you. If you ever decide..." She trailed off shyly.

Joey remained silent. Now, the entire female populace at Domino High thought he was gay. But... they all loved him. What weird magic was this?


	5. Love and Marriage

Joey made it to class on time. Mr. Tanaka looked over at him and gave him a nod. Joey sighed. Today was going to be much better. He looked around the room and saw that Ryou was waving at him to come sit next to him. Joey looked around and pointed to himself. Me?

Joey looked over at his friends and raised his right index finger at Ryou.

"You guys," Joey said to his friends, "I'm going to go sit next to Ryou today, ok?"

Yugi smiled, "Sure, we don't mind. Go sit next to Ryou. It's nice that he finally has a friend in you."

_"You guys did you here the news?"_

_"Joey's gay?"_

_"Yeah, and dating Duke Devlin!"_

Joey's classmates were already buzzing. News traveled fast in Domino High.

Ryou rested his head in his hand and looked at Joey shyly as he approached the double desk. He slowly took a seat next to Ryou.

Ryou stared at him with a moan at the tip of his throat, never quite getting it out. Joey could feel the energy Ryou was sending his way. It made him feel uncomfortable. Joey mouthed the word _'what'_ but Ryou just shrugged his shoulders. Joey turned away and Ryou bit his bottom lip a little. When the teacher started to talk, Ryou paid seemingly full attention to what he was saying. But Joey and the girls in the classroom knew otherwise.

Ryou's shy little fingers creeped over and with just the pointer, he started to stroke the seem of Joey's pants. The girls who were watching the spectacle were unsure of exactly what Ryou was doing, but they knew he must have been doing something because Joey's reaction was just too cute to happen on it's own. Joey's eyes nervously twitched away from the teacher. Ryou kept going. It tickled a bit. Joey looked over, Ryou raised his eyebrows and Joey gave him a scowl. _Quit it._

The teacher gave Joey a venomous warning look and continued the lecture.

Ryou's fingers crawled to the top of Joey's leg and trailed down to his knee. Joey smacked away Ryou's hand without taking his eyes off the teacher. A few minutes of peace. The teacher was talking about an assignment, Joey hadn't been able to listen so now it was time to play catch up.

"When you leave this school, many of you will go on to have jobs, get married, have children," he made a notable pause to think and then started up again, "hopefully in that order."

Ryou's hand glided over Joey's leg. He wasn't actually touch him at this moment. Joey just felt Ryou's presence over his groin area. Joey tensed up. Ryou placed his hand on Joey's inner thigh, massaging it. Joey blushed furiously and yelped "Stop!"

"Joseph!" The teacher squalked, "I have had enough of your tomfoolery!"

"I'm sorry, I-I just..." Joey looked around as if looking for an excuse that wouldn't embarrass him further.

The teacher put up his hand to stop Joey. "Please. Just go sit over there next to Kaiba. Hopefully his good behavior will rub off on you."

Shit.

Joey grabbed his backpack off the chair and swung it over one shoulder. The girls were all making faces at him. Not of disgust but of '_oh he's so cute!_'. But it was embarrassing that it had to be this_ in this way_ for Joey. This was a walk of shame... and he felt very uncomfortable. Joey walked with one stiff leg to try to hide another. _Fuck you, Ryou. Fuck you._ Joey walked all the way to the other side of the room.

-THUMP-

Joey dropped his bag and forcefully pulled out his chair in defiance, plopped in it, and scooched in. The teacher continued his lecture.

Kaiba smirked. "Faggot," he scoffed under his breath.

Joey took a deep breath and let it all out through his nose. He tried to focus on the teacher. He didn't want to get in trouble again.

"Queer," Kaiba started up again.

Joey flashed a glare at Kaiba.

A few moments passed before Joey said as quietly as he could out of the corner of his mouth, "I'm not. Duke just said that and it's not true, so stop."

"Whatever." He paused. "Chocolate thief."

Joey tuned back into the teacher "Your partner for this project," wait, what project? "Is the person sitting next to you. If you don't have someone sitting next to you, raise your hand and I will pair you up." Ryou and Tristan raised their hands. The teacher motioned for them to sit at the same desk.

Wait... shit. Joey looked over... Kaiba. Mother-fucking Seto Kaiba was his partner. Wait... what was the project?

"One by one I will call your names-"

"Can I just do this one by myself?" Joey yelled out.

"No. No one may be a single parent for this assignment. Please raise your hand and wait to be called on next time, Joseph."

_Single parent... wait... God... no._ Joey let his head fall on the desk hard enough to give himself a headache. He looked over at Kaiba out of the corner of his eyes, Kaiba was grumbling too.

_Better not screw this up for me, Wheeler._

"Seto, Joseph?" Both boys stood up. "Your assignment is going to be altered do to certain unfair advantages."

_What? How?_

"Come here."

The boys walked up to the teacher's desk. "As I am sure you are well aware Wheeler, Kaiba has already been living on his own, handling finances, and all that good stuff. So your goals have been altered in this assignment from everyone else's." He cleared his throat. "With that in mind, Joseph will take on the lion's share of this assignment."

Kaiba's eyes widened..._ fuck._

"So, from your look, Seto, I can tell that you were planning on just doing it yourself like last time I tried to give you partner work. If you thought I didn't notice you doing all the work- I did. So Joseph, pick out your job from the job jar. Seto, I already have yours." He handed Kaiba a wooden popcicle stick. _Housewife._

Joey drew his popcicle stick and just shoved it in his back pocket.

"Seto, draw how many dependents you two will have to consider," Mr. Tanaka held out the jar.

Kaiba quickly drew one out.

"How many?" Joey asked.

"One Boy."

"Huh." Joey snickered. "I would have guessed your womb was too polluted to produce anything."

"Maybe you were just firing blanks," Kaiba retorted.

Mr. Tanaka pulled out a packet. On the first page was a mock birth certificate. "Pick whatever name you like. This is the packet for one child." He handed the packet to Kaiba. Mr. Tanaka waved them to go to their desk.

"We will start this assignment tomorrow. Talk about your plans for the future with your partner. all information that you know should be filled in. The birth certificate is due tomorrow."

When Joey took his seat, he took some time to look at who everyone was partnered up with. Téa and Yugi were just about the cutest couple in the room.

_How many?_ Joey mouthed to Yugi.

_Seven!_ Yugi seemed to jump out of his chair at the thought.

Joey gave Yugi a big thumbs up.

Joey then turned his attention to his sour sap of a partner. "Let's name him after the wife." Joey deadpanned, pulling the documents from the packet.

"How considerate." Seto replied with an equal amount of sarcasm.

"Alright. Dickhead it is." Joey pulled out a pencil from his backpack, Seto's shoulders dropping as he stared at his unwilling partner.

"You are just sooo funny. You know that? You're just so fucking funny, it's unbelievable." Seto grabbed the pencil from his fingers. "Seto Junior, discussion over."

"Toe-may-toe, Toe-mah-toe." Joey shrugged. "He's still going to have my sir name." He reached back to his backpack to pull out another pencil.

"You write dickhead on that certificate, you're in for a world of hurt." Seto menaced. "World of hurt, Wheeler."

"Damn, just my luck my partner has to be on her period during the assignment." Joey grunted.

"I'm gonna kill you," Seto growled, reaching over to rip the pencil from his fingers again.

"Don't say you're gonna do things you're not gonna do." Joey held the pencil over to the left, away from Seto.

"What job did you get?"

"Why do you need to know?" Joey raised an eyebrow.

Kaiba just gave Joey an icey stare.

"I can't read your mind, Kaiba," Joey laughed.

"Because I need to know so I can write it down, dumbass."

Joey pulled out the stick from his back pocket. It had snapped under his weight. Instead of handing it over like a mature person, he threw it in Kaiba's face. To Joey's dismay, Kaiba caught it.

C.E.O. Of Kaiba Corp.

Kaiba narrowed his eyes. He couldn't believe that that was one of the choices. _Like anyone could reach that kind of greatness._ Kaiba threw the stick. It made it's way all the way to the trash._ Psh. That is where that stick belongs. Nobody but me runs Kaibacorp. Teacher should be fired._

"Oooh. I see someone is throwing a hissy fit. Butt hurt?" Joey rocked back in his chair. Kaiba promptly shoved Joey's chair forward -Oof- and walked around him.

_Bell rang._

"Better not screw this up, Wheeler. Be prepared for one hell of a boot camp because there is no way you are failing this assignment for me."

Kaiba stormed out, bookbag over his shoulder.

Joey couldn't help but laugh at how the tables had turned on Kaiba. This assignment may be more fun than he thought.


	6. Court of High School

PE.

Joey walked into the locker room and down to his row. His classmates looked at him, grabbed their clothes out of their locker, and walked away to another row. Joey rolled his eyes. _Really? Really? Wow._

Yugi peeked out from the other side of his row, "Want some company?"

Joey dropped his shirt on the ground, "Nah, I'm fine Yug'; don't worry 'bout me."

Yugi looked around nervously wanting to say something. Joey pulled his P.E. shirt over his head. "Joey?" Yugi eeked out.

"What? If you don't want to be my friend neither it's fine," Joey said bitterly.

"Joey, is what they say true? Are you going out with Duke?" Yugi whispered.

"No," Joey said bluntly. "I...I'm not...it's not like that."

Yugi shrugged. "I'd understand, you know, if you were..."

"But I'm not!" he exclaimed.

Yugi nodded. "Okay. I believe you. I'm sorry about...all this. But...but if you were, I'd...it'd be fine."

Joey finished getting dressed, locked up his things and went out to the gym.

The gym teacher did a circular motion with his finger meaning he wanted everyone to run laps. Joey started to run. It felt good. He felt like he was flying when all of a sudden, he was falling. He hit the ground hard and when he twisted his body around to see who pushed him, Seto Kaiba was laughing. Asshole. Joey got right back up and sprinted as fast as he could so he could catch up with Kaiba. Joey's hands connected with Kaiba's back, causing him to stumble.

"Fuck you, asshole. You think you can just do what ever you want. You think you can just buy everyone, don't ya! Don't ya!" Joey gritted through his teeth, arms puffed out and threatening.

Out of the corner of his eye, Joey could see the gym teacher walking over with a quickened pace. Joey rolled his eyes and took a few steps back from Kaiba.  
"Wheeler. Kaiba. My office. Now," the gym teacher pointed his thumb towards the locker rooms behind him.  
They walked towards it but the teacher motioned for the boys to wait at the door.

"What happened out there?" the gym teacher leaned against the wall, making him look relaxed and ready to hear the boys' story without judgement.  
The boys just frowned looking in opposite directions, faces hardened with hatred.'

"Alright. Fine. I don't wanna hear it. Just get back out there and knock it off."

.

Joey pouted in silence on the edge of the bleachers. Picked last! In a class with a god damn midget...he immediately felt bad for thinking that about his best friend, but still. Yugi couldn't even throw the ball across the gym all the way. Yugi was always picked last in every sport except horse racing, but...gah.

Nobody wanted to pick the faggot.

He reflected back on the events of earlier than morning...well, that wasn't entirely true. He threw a furtive glance at Ryou, who sat on the opposite side of the bleachers and just waved innocently. He thought back to the girls in the hallways, fawning over him...they would have picked him first.

"Maybe you should go play in PE with the other girls, Wheeler." Kaiba shouted from the other end of the bleachers.

"I can't hear you over the sound of your womb." Joey responded nastily. "Don't you have to go breast-feed your baby?"

He wasn't sure if the girls were worth..._this_.

.

"Okay Kaiba's team on the left side, William's team on the right," the gym teacher shouted. All the boys waited patiently as the gym teacher placed the non-saticfactory round nerf balls that replaced the fun rubber balls a few years earlier. Too many parental complaints I suppose, Joey thought. Too many kids cried to their mommies...

Joey wanted to hit Kaiba with a rubber ball so bad. He almost wanted to run into the equipment room and try to dig one of the old artifacts of a better, happier time out. He could run out, hold it up into the air as everyone cheered the reminder of better days when men could be men and parents didn't throw a fit because little Timmy got an ouchie...and maybe, for a moment, he could feel like a man again himself...

Whistle blew. "Wheeler. Your out!"

What...? Joey looked at his feet. Right next to him was a nerf ball. He didn't even feel it hit him. He looked at the bleachers... not even Yugi was out yet.

Well, that would do wonders for his reputation. He marched back over to the bleachers, head down, feeling the judgemental stares of everyone on his back. _Fag boy doesn't even know how to play dodgeball...maybe he should go join Glee club._..even Yugi was probably having his doubts, and he could hardly blame him.

He didn't watch the rest of the round, just keeping his head down, resolving to prove something to everyone next time he got out there. He resolved to throw one of those stupid foam balls so hard right at Kaiba's man region, he'd become even less of a man than he was right now in the court of high school public opinion.

"I believe you." A small voice next to him said. He looked up and realized Yugi had, predictably, taken a seat next to him.

Joey quickly beat down a tiny spark of envy. Yugi was horrible at all of these sports, and he couldn't have possibly cared any less. He had other competitive activities he was good at...really good at...so good he had legions of fans across the globe and everyone knew his name and he was hailed as King of Games and ...why why was he thinking this why why...

"Thank you." Joey replied. "Yugi, I'm...I'm not. If I was I'd say it. I really would. I would have told you first if I was..."

"Hey Joey!" Yugi said excitedly, "Guess what! I wasn't the first one out! Or even the second. The balls would just fly over my head. It was so awesome."

"Great, Yugi. I'm happy for you." Joey said picking at his nails, still thinking.

"Joey... you can't expect to win all the time. Just have fun! That's what games are for!"

"It's not about the game, Yugi." Joey scowled at Kaiba, still out on the court. "It's about...image. Manhood. Everyone thinks I'm a fruitcake now. I mean, people look at me and they...they guess things, they make...assumptions. Y'know, yeah, I'll bet that Wheeler kid isn't too bright, but...man I'll bet he's real good at sports and...and strong, and real manly. Now I'm stupid and queer and I can't possibly be manly. Well...to them.. I'm not... like I said. Duke just said that stuff."

"Why did you _let_ him say that stuff?"

Joey looked down trying to find an answer. "I...I like girls. I want girls. Duke, he's the...the freaking Iron Chef of girls."

"He cooks them?" Yugi asked jokingly.

"No...no, it's a...meteor." Joey said quickly. "Or...that isn't right. It's a...malaform." He blinked a few times. "Maybe it was meteor. Whatever. The point is, he knows chicks. He's the Hugh Hefner of Domino City and I want what he has. So...I go to him for help, and this is what he gives me."

"Well." Yugi smiled to himself. "Duke, he's a crazy guy. And between you and me, I've seen him in the showers, and he's carrying equipment that we just don't have access to." He glanced around shiftily. "But there's a method to the madness with him. So, if you want my advice, put your faith in the Duke. You'll get what you asked for."

The whistle blew. Kaiba was declared the winner.

.

Joey went red upon seeing Ryou run up to him on the sidewalk.

"Hey, Joey!" Ryou shouted as he ran up to Joey. "How are you?"

"I am ok," Joey said.

"Mind if I walk with you...?" Ryou asked shyly.

"Ryou you really can't follow me home..."

"I c-could help you w-with your homework if-if you would like," Ryou sputtered. "Please... please can I go with you?"

Joey bit his lower lip. He didn't much like continuing down this path any further than he already had...but he was in no mood to think on schoolwork right now, and Ryou was very smart...

"How about we go to your place?" Joey suggested. He didn't want Ryou to feel bad... nor did he feel like telling him he hadn't even had Yugi over yet.

Ryou blushed and was very surpised that Joey would want to go back over to his place. Ryou smiled.

"Well, I'll take that as a yes. So lead the way," Joey motioned.

The entire way, Ryou was looking at him funny or not looking at him funny. Joey couldn't make heads or tails as to why.

.

Ryou motioned for Joey to have a seat on his couch. "Umm... so pull out your homework. I'll...I'll take a look at it and see what I can do. I'll go get some food!"

"We have the same homework... and I'm not gonna be required to eat it in a gay or obscene way am I ?"

"No!" Ryou said quickly. "No, you wont. Just relax."

Ryou went to the kitchen and Joey pulled out his homework. Ryou brought back snack packs of 3 different flavors. "I-I wasn't certain as to what you like..."

"I love snack packs, Ryou," Joey smiled and took one of the snack packs from Ryou's hand.

"They were all for you... if you want them," Ryou said.

Ryou set down the extra snack packs and pulled out his own homework and began working.

"Pass me mine, I'll...I'll do what I can." Joey said, motioning towards his papers.

"No no! You...you look tired and stressed! Don't worry about this! I'll take care of it, you just sit back and relax. You can watch TV if you want, I can do this." Ryou insisted, covering up the small stack of papers.

Joey scratched his head. Ryou would take any opportunity to talk about academic integrity and honesty, and usually couldn't even be bribed to actually do someone's work for them. Joey was no saint, and took any opportunity to pass his schoolwork off to others normally, but even he felt a little uneasy...

Joey eventually gave in to Ryou's strange idea of hospitality, laid back on Ryou's surprisingly comfortable couch and slowly dozed off.

.

Joey's eyes fluttered open. "Nnhh," Joey moaned. Suddenly he realized something and shot up. Ryou had been giving him a back rub. "What that? What were you? I gotta go dude... "  
Ryou gesticulated not knowing what to grabbed his things and shoved them all in his backpack.

"I-I'm sorry!" Ryou said. "I'm just so lonely here... I wanted you to stay..." Ryou tried to hide his tears that were welling up in his eyes. He had made Joey mad.

Joey looked over and saw Ryou had tears welled up in his eyes and felt kinda bad, "Ryou... Maybe on Saturday?"

Ryou smiled. "That's tomorrow! We should have Duke here too." Ryou pulled out his cell phone and immediately started searching for Duke's name.

Joey gave a half smile and left the house backpack over on shoulder. He walked home in complete darkness.


	7. Kissing and Kino

**A/N: If these last few chapters were vulger... ummm I think this one is even more so. I kind of went crazy! :D OH and Happy Birthday Jou!**

Joey walked into Ryou's house, greeted by Duke and Ryou. Ryou was waiting with a sandwich, handing it to Joey as soon as he stepped over the threshold. Joey eyed it apprehensively in his hands, looking at it from every angle. Food wasn't the same anymore, not after what these two had done.

"Alright, we're watching a movie, I suppose." Duke said, leading Joey towards the couch in the living room. Joey was still squinting down at his sandwich, weighing the positives and negatives.

"I'm going to go get the TV." Ryou said, disappearing into the hallway.

The two sat down on the couch. Joey finally took a bite out of the sandwich, a very methodical and slow bite, as if he wasn't quite used to eating. He noticed Duke watching him intently and suddenly felt very self-conscious. He glanced down at Duke's lap, shifting uncomfortably at the bulge between his legs. He looked away quickly.

Ryou returned from his room, the TV in tow. Joey was slightly surprised to see how small it was, given it was apparently the only one in the house.

"I'll...help you with that." Joey said, jumping up and taking on a good portion of the weight of the device. Although possessing a small screen, the thing was big and bulky, an older model no doubt. A few moments later, it was hooked up and ready to go.

"So, what kind of movie do you guys want to watch?" Ryou panted, stroking his shoulder.

"Action!" Joey shouted.

Both Duke and Ryou looked at Joey weirdly. Joey glanced away, going a little red.

Alright, I can put away the man card for one night.

"How about a romance?" Duke said.

_Y-yeah...sure...Diehard had romance in it, that movie was good..._

Ryou narrowed his eyes "What about...horror?" and then he laughed it off. "Haha, just kidding. Romance sounds _great_!"

Ryou went to his bedroom and started hyper-ventilating. I don't have any romance! _The Sixth Sense has... a married couple... and there is a lot of sex in the Nightmare on Elm street series._

Ryou's hands got all clammy. What was he going to do?

Ryou walked back into his living room. "Umm...I just remembered! The DVD player is broken! Shame! So...how about we work on those lessons Joey?"

Duke got a smirk on his face. Joey looked slightly terrified. " Ryou, that sounds like a great idea." said Duke, putting a hand on Joey's shoulder.

"Umm...guys, I think I was doing better without your help." Joey stated. "I think I'm good."

"You aren't even halfway through the transformation! We're just getting to the good part!" said Duke excitedly.

Ryou started to giggle. The smile was wiped off his face when he remembered a movie he had that was romance. Ghost. A classic. Too late now.

"What social cruelties are you going to put me through this time?" Joey threw his head around, rapidly looking back and forth between Ryou and Duke.

"Don't talk like that, Joseph." Duke put his arm around him.

Joey pushed it off. "Don't touch me!"

"But that's what this lesson is about, my man!"

Joey tried to get up from the couch but was pulled back down.

"Sometimes a girl is not that into you. The best thing to do is to back off. Act 'not interested'. I have already helped you create this illusion though because you are taken, and not by a girl, but a man. You are the forbidden fruit now. They should be gravitating towards you. Are they?"

"Yeah..." Joey sighed. But the other part of that has made him feel emasculated.

"Good," Duke held his head up high. "The plan is working then. Now, on to the lesson. Kino."

"What the hell is that? Some kind of...Japanese rap artist?" Joey asked.

Ryou and Duke started to bust up laughing. " No, no... no, man," Duke said still laughing, "Kino is flirty touching. Letting her know you are interested without coming on too strong."

"Y'know, can we just skip to the lesson where...you...tell me what brand of lube works best?" Joey asked, glancing at the two suspiciously. "That just seems like it'd be...more important."

"Lube?" Duke repeated incredulously, staring at Joey. "Who are you trying to get with? Barbara Bush?"

"No, I just...y'know, lube, it strikes me as something that might come up-"

"These are high school girls! You're not picking up chicks at the old folk's home! No lube! Not ever! That's...that's stalker rapist crap."

"KY Jelly is nice." Ryou said timidly. "It's so-"

"Ryou, d-do you mind?" Duke exasperated. "I am trying to educate our friend here. Oh, and second of all, I've seen your equipment. You're not gonna need any lube to fit in there. I'm sorry, I'm just saying."

"Some girls...I mean, don't tell me it can't happen." Joey said uneasily.

Duke smacked him on the back of the head. "Your four-inch dick doesn't need any lube! End of story!"

"M-my dick isn't-"

"Yes it is!" Duke insisted. "Trust me, I know. I've seen a lot of dicks in my day."

Joey's eyes widened and he unconsciously shifted away from Duke.

"I can measure dicks through pants. I can look at a guy wearing slacks or jeans, and bam, I can already tell their dick size. Just trust me on this. And it's not even a big deal, girls...girls can look past that if you know how to treat them right."

"He seemed around 6 or 7 to me..." Ryou mumbled.

"That's because he's always happy to see you!" Duke countered. Joey went a dark red at this statement, the blood rushing to his face.

"Hey! Hey! No, okay? Just no. Number one, my dick is fine, number two, I like the pussy. End of discussion."

"The point is...lube doesn't matter. You think a girl is gonna be psyched to get with you because you have a good bottle of lube? Now back to 'kino'."

Duke walked over to Ryou and gently tugged on his arm. Ryou followed him. "Now you just sit on the couch over there Joey and I'll show you how this is done. Ryou, come here." Duke said. Joey did as Duke asked. "Since every girl thinks you are gay... they will flock to you so pick up lines are now not needed. You should just act shy, sweet and sensitive. If you start acting camp, I'm gonna carve your throat out. Just saying. Have some respect. You should totally hint to them that you might be willing to change for the right girl. This gives them the incentive to do things for you, thinking you will change."

"So you want me to lie to them?" Joey raised an eyebrow.

"Well, if they already think you're gay, and you aren't the one who lied, then you're in the clear," Duke shrugged. "I needed to change your image. You were far too... brash for most girls. So," Duke stroked Ryou's arm, "there are many ways to touch a girl. Charm her if you will." Duke took a step to the side and looked to Joey to let him know he was starting. "Hey, Ryou, I bet I can tell something about you just by your hands. Can I?" Duke reached out his hand gently asking permission to look at Ryou's hand. Ryou blushed.

"Sure," Ryou said. His heart was pounding. His eyes kept wandering to Joey, who was looking right at him.

"You use lotion don't you. They are so soft," Duke said tracing a finger along Ryou's heart line.

Ryou looked down and covered his mouth with his other hand. Duke lowered the hand that was holding Ryou's, only holding it with a pinky. "Yeah... how did you know?"

"I don't know. Your hand told me." Duke's eyes were twinkling. With his left hand Duke softly touched Ryou's other arm and then backed away. "Hey, you want to go behind the bleachers?"

Ryou stared blankly... "...Sure," Ryou's acting was terrible.

"Hey, Joey you should try."

Joey shook his head and recoiled. "N-no way in hell. Not for nothing. I told you already, I like the pussy!"

"Don't think about it too hard man. It's not gonna make you gay, there's nothing gay about it." Duke insisted.

"_Everything_ is gay about it!" Joey retorted. "It's like you distilled all the...the gay in the world and...like, manifested it right in this room! Even Elton John would say this is too gay! This is more homoerotic than Interview with a Vampire!"

"It's an exercise." Duke said patiently. "Do you want to get some pussy or not? We're practicing. We're just practicing. Can you calm down? No one's here, no one's gonna...see."

Joey rolled his eyes. "I had better be swimming in Vajayjays after this is done. This had better end up with my penis in...penis heaven. Seriously."

Ryou went a bright red and quickly covered his face with his hands. He had been too shy to say anything, but he had dearly been hoping Joey would continue to decline the invitation. He felt his hands go clammy again. He started to sweat. He was never much for acting, he could never detach himself from the role. Joey...hitting on him?

"I don't see why we can't just...get a girl to practice on, you know?" Joey mumbled.

"Hey, it's Ryou! Just squint your eyes." Duke answered indignantly. Ryou didn't even notice the thinly veiled insult he was so nervous.

"Yugi would let me borrow Tea." Joey said. "We're real good friends, he'd understand-"

"They're girls, not comic books!" Duke shot back. "You can't buy three girls for ten bucks at the card shop! You can't buy a booster pack of girls! You can't trade two Mihos and a Rebecca for a Mai! It don't work like that! Have some respect!"

Joey shook his head. "I'm sorry, did you say anything after Mai? I sorta zoned out there."

"Oh. Oh." Duke smiled. "Mai? That's the summit?"

"Maybe." Joey said shortly.

"Bold. I can appreciate it. But...if you wanna ride on Space Mountain, you gotta get in line first. So kindly pay attention to my lead." He looked over at Ryou, who was still having a small panic attack. "What? Are you dating Mai or something? She your mom?"

Ryou shook his head quickly. He slowly shuffled off toward the kitchen, leaving Joey and Duke confused.

"Hm. I guess Mai turned him down or something." Duke shrugged. "Alright, we can do this."

Joey gulped and looked around. "Ok... but this doesn't leave the Batcave."

Duke snickered, "Alright. You want me to demonstrate again?"

Joey ground his teeth a little. "Yeah...yeah, sure."

"Can I see your hand?" Duke's eyes twinkled hypnotically.

Joey looked down then back at Duke. This was so not good for his man card. Duke tenderly grabbed Joey's hand. "You work a lot with your hands don't you?"

"Yeah..." Joey was growing increasingly uncomfortable.

Then Duke brushed his hand on Joey's arm. Joey's heart was racing... why? Duke's hands reached up and curled Joey's hair behind his ears. Duke's face got closer... eyes connected with Joey's. And then he closed his eyes... and doe eyed, Joey just stood there... frozen.

Ryou emerged into the room just a split second before their lips made contact, clearing his throat to break up the moment.

"Hey guys...uh, the DVD player...works now. Yeah, it...it just started working, we can watch a movie now!" he squeaked.

"...the DVD player is in here." Joey said slowly, pointing at the large black electronic next to the TV.

"Uh...yeah, but...I can kinda tell by...by looking at it, if it's gonna work or not." Ryou replied. "It's complicated, but...yeah it totally works now! So we can...we can watch a movie!"

Joey and Duke both stared at him.

"I have popcorn, and I think I found a good movie for us to watch." he said quickly. "J-just sit down, I'll be right back!" He spun around and ran off, seemingly in a hurry to get away from the dubious eyes of Joey and Duke.

"I think he is a girl." Joey grunted, sitting down on the couch. "They don't make guys that faggy."


	8. Br0s 4 Lyf3!

Joey eased his eyelids open, slowly accepting light into his pupils. Something was different compared to how he usually felt when he woke up. He glanced down to find Ryou had snuggled himself up against his right arm, and Duke's lower body was splayed out on top of his torso.

He quickly suppressed the urge to yell or thrash, and elected to gently push Ryou away and slide himself out from under Duke. Praying to every god there was that nobody had seen the trio sleeping together in such a scandalous position, he grabbed his head.

Oh, did it hurt.

"Fuck..." he groaned softly as he sat up. Joey rubbed his eyes and brushed the hair out of his face. He took a deep breath running both his hands through his bangs and could feel the grease build up. He felt gross and sticky. His body reeked from being over heated.

"There's no way this is worth it." he grumbled.

Joey kicked off the covers they were all sharing and climbed over Ryou. He turned around to look at the both of them sleeping. _Not as dangerous this way.._. he thought. He grabbed the covers and put it over the both of them. He looked around for his night bag. It was by the door. Just where he was headed. As he left the room quietly, he began pondering what to do now. He knew what he needed. His mind had only one coherent thought.

I need a sympathetic ear. I need someone who will listen to me whine and moan. I need a friend. I need a friend who doesn't want me gay.

He thought of Yugi, but...he was in a relationship. He didn't get hunting. He was never the type who would just go looking for girls, tripping over himself to impress them. For some reason, Yugi never got caught up in stuff like this. Stuff that made him act different. He never fell for the gimmicks. Besides, he had already talked to Yugi about this, and didn't want to bog him down in his personal drama any more than he already had. He still felt bad about his malicious thoughts of two days prior.

He could go to Tea but she would sooner bite his head off for allowing Duke to lie like that, than be sympathetic. She was anything but. Besides, she was a _girl. _She could never understand. And might feel offended.

Leaving...his old friend.

Joey did the secret knock on Tristan's door to let him know it was him. It was kinda cheesy but, it was just a part of the routine. "COME IN!" Tristan yelled from behind the door. Joey opened the door to see his best buddy playing his Xbox 360. _Now that sounded like fun,_ thought Joey. Joey walked over and casually grabbed a controller and plopped down on Tristan's couch. Joey could feel an instant melding with Tristan's couch.

Tristan was delicately nudging the joystick forwards, causing the character on screen to slowly approach a man who had his back turned.

"I am going to ram my knife straight into your brain." Tristan muttered to himself. "And then I'm going to-"

"I'm not gay." Joey said suddenly, letting the first thought that flew into his head pour out of his mouth.

"Not right now, trying to have an authentic ex-...wait, what?" Tristan hit pause and looked up at his friend. "What?"

"Uh...hi." Joey grunted before looking down at the carpet. "I mean...it's hot today. Yeah, I...it's hot...today."

"Yeah. It is." Tristan nodded slowly. "I'm sorry, I thought you said...you're not gay."

"Yeah I...definitely didn't say tha-but I'm _not_ gay!" Joey coughed into his fist a few times. "I mean, I didn't say 'I'm not gay', but...I'm _not_ gay. I didn't say I'm not gay, but I'm not."

"You just said it." Tristan deadpanned.

"No I didn't." Joey said in a slightly strained voice. "I said it's hot today."

"Yeah but, like...just now. Like, after that, you...you said-"

"Okay. Um...Tristan, I...I got a problem." Joey rubbed his forehead with his right palm.

"Duct tape." Tristan countered quickly before turning to his game again.

"...no." Joey glared at his friend.

"Advil." Tristan unpaused the game and stabbed the man in the head violently.

"No." Joey said, becoming slightly annoyed.

"A crowbar." Tristan sent his character into a run across some rooftops, jumping from building to building.

"Tristan, this is...this is serious." Joey folded his arms across his chest.

Tristan paused again and looked over at Joey, eyes wide. "...a...prostitute?"

"No."

"I'm out of ideas." Tristan shrugged and looked back at the television.

"J-just listen to me for a second! It's...it's Duke." Joey groaned.

Tristan jumped to his feet. "I'm on it. Nobody steals my friend's girl and lives to tell about it." He cracked his knuckles loudly.

"No...no, he didn't steal my girl." Joey shook his head.

Tristan's eyes widened. "..._your sister_?" He snarled. "Oh, it's on now. I'm gonna lodge his stupid dice right into his trachea!"

"No! Serenity's fine. It's...well, listen. Because of Duke, everyone... thinks I'm... I'm queer. and, I'm not."

"I don't."

Dumbfounded Joey asked the first question that popped into his head, "Why?"

"Panty tank. Only a genius straight guy would come up with that." Tristan nodded knowingly.

Joey gave a half smile. Something uplifted his insides. Knowing Tristan didn't think he was gay, mad him feel more secure in his manhood.

"So did Duke...hit on you or something? I can kill him for that. Or at least give him a couple bruises to think about." Tristan cracked his neck. "I can lodge a brick in his shithole, just gimme the word."

Joey felt a wave of shame return as Tristan was talking. He felt kinda violated with all the stuff they put him through. "I wish... it was just hitting on me."

"Oh my god." Tristan's eyebrows flew up his forehead. "He didn't...Joey, please don't tell me-"

"No, no! He...that's gross. No." Joey defended waving his hands in front of him.

"Look. If he did, I can help. I can get you help. But I need to know. If Duke Devlin dangled his dice anywhere near you, I need to know." Tristan leaned forward slightly.

"He didn't. Look, I wanted girls, so I went to him for help. And...what I got was... gay. It's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, I swear! But I went along with it cause Yugi said Duke wouldn't lead me astray like this. But, dude... he... he... tried to..." Joey gulped and realized that his face was burning hot. "And I almost..." Joey stopped. He couldn't get the words out. It was just too much for his manhood to take.

"Did... you get naked?" Tristan started simulating unzipping his fly and looked a little too excited by this story.

"No, no. Look, it...it was just an almost-kiss, some...touching. It was...bad. It's like, what the fuck am I doing? And then the next minute... he's about to kiss you, and if someone else wasn't there... I... I might have... let..."

"You were just going to let him do it?"

"Don't tell anyone please! Not even Yugi!" Joey put both his hands up to his face. "I just think that...y'know, Duke's getting all this action and, maybe he's got something up his sleeve...he's probably sitting at home right now laughing his ass off at me. Y'know, I really thought I'd be willing to do anything for some action, but I don't know if I can tolerate everyone thinking I'm a fag."

"Well, what do you want from me?" Tristan asked bluntly, shrugging. "I...I don't know what to tell you."

"Tristan... I'm going to need all the help I can get to repair my rep if this doesn't pan out... Least you believe me. Yugi kept questioning me earlier this week."

"Umm...yeah, sure. Anything." Tristan blubbered. "I...I'm not sure what I can do."

"I'm not sure what I want. I'm not sure anyone can really help me." Joey leaned back against the sofa and sighed.

"Joey." Tristan took a deep breath. "You are a man's man. Girls look at you and get wet. They daydream in classes about dryhumping with you under the bleachers in gym. They sit at home and write in their diaries about how they nearly fainted because you waved at them once. They don't listen to a single word in Math because they spend the whole period looking at you. They want to go to prom with you, dance all night, and then suck on your penis in the restroom. They want to spend a three day weekend at a spa resort with you, going at it like rabbits. And at the very bottom of their heart, their deepest, most secret fantasy is marrying you, and spending the rest of their lives with you."

"That's not true man..." Joey waved his his hand bashfully "I wish though," he started to fidget with a smile from ear to ear.

"No! Dude! It's totally true. Girls just worry about what their friends would think and blah blah blah. You know how girls are. They are kinda hateful when their friend dates someone they don't like. But I think that is what makes us dudes cooler. We're on the sidelines cheering on whatever relationship you want to pursue with anyone... or thing. Remember the pumpkin?"

Joey looked down at the ground for a couple seconds. "Girls want to dryhump me under the bleachers?"

"100% certain." Tristan nodded. "Well, probably other places too."

"No, under the bleachers is good." Joey smirked. "You wanna...play something? I need to get my mind off this shit."

"Sure. Sure." Tristan nodded. "You sure it wouldn't be better if we watched porn together?"

"Fuck you." Joey sniggered.

"Well I'm sorry, we're too young to get into a strip club." Tristan replied sarcastically.

"We could go to hooters." Joey offered, smiling inwardly.

"I'm not allowed within 50 feet of that place anymore." Tristan glanced shiftily to his right. "Long...long story."

Joey laughed.

It was strange. He knew, in his heart of hearts, that Yugi would believe him. It wasn't in his nature to believe anything derogatory about his friends. He trusted them with everything. No matter what happened, Yugi would believe him.

But...Tristan. His approval, that was different. Tristan was more in-tune with the high school drama. He had more understanding about the shame of being made to look like a fag and why someone would feverishly deny it. Tristan wouldn't just believe someone because of their word. He needed more. And apparently, whatever Joey had given to him, whether it was years of friendship and intimate knowledge of each other, or the way in which he worded what he said, it was enough.

And that was truly comforting.

**A/N: I hope you all liked this chapter. :D If you did, speak up! I'd love to hear from you. Even if you aren't signed in, don't feel like signing in, or don't have an account- it'd be nice hear from you. But don't ask questions if you are anonymous... I get sad when I can't answer them! D: And don't think I haven't noticed people who have subscribed to or faved this story yet haven't said a word cause they are shy- cause I do notice! :D OH and we now have over 1000 hits on this story. Just thought I would let you know! :D**

**I thought about Chaseshipping this chapter... but decided against it. **

**OH and I found a mistake made in chapter 4... I corrected it. But if you catch me saying Jounouchi instead of Joey during this story- PLEASE LET ME KNOW NEXT TIME! D:**

**Love you all and thanks so much for reading. I am happy and grateful to have such a popular story.  
**


	9. Eggcellent Business Practices to Live By

Joey took the assignment out of his backpack and walked to the teacher's desk. He tapped the mock birth certificate twice before setting it on his teacher's desk. He took a few moments to look at him in the eyes to say, 'see, I did your silly assignment'. The teacher gave a huff and pointed to the "turn-in" box.

"I see you have forgotten your way, Mr. Wheeler."

Joey gave an agitated look and gave a exasperated sigh before taking two steps to turn it in the turn-in box. Joey stomped away to where Kaiba was looking all high and mighty like the cheshire cat that just fooled Alice.

"Great. My partner can't even fucking read." Kaiba grunted.

"Hey, shut up and get back in the kitchen." Joey retorted, sitting down heavily next to Kaiba. "I want a grilled cheese sandwich."

Kaiba was about to respond, but at that moment the teacher came up to their desk and set a large white egg on top of a small white styrofoam stand. He moved from desk to desk, setting down identical eggs on each.

"Alright! It's pretty simple, everyone. You'll be taking care of your eggs for the next six weeks, and you must allow no harm to come to them. But that's only part of the deal. You, your partner, and your eggs are a family, with all of the responsibilities that any other family has. What happens when the brakes give out on your car? Who's going to pay for tonsil removal? How are your eggs getting through college?"

"I'm stuck with Wheeler's genetics. I'll be thrilled if they graduate high school." Kaiba muttered under his breath.

"Well, with your genetics he's a mortal lock to die a virgin." Joey spat.

"These are the things you must concern yourself with." The teacher continued, talking over Kaiba and Joey sniping at each other. "You have to track all finances, deal with an assortment of family emergencies, and try to be the very best parents that you can be."

Joey raised his hand. "Professor Takanaka, can I switch partners? My son is already addicted to meth, my wife can't just help herself." The entire class couldn't help but snicker at this.

"As long as you don't wind up with a crack baby, Mr. Wheeler, you should be just fine." Takanaka replied tartily

"If we don't get an A on this assignment Wheeler, I will not rest until your white trash father is fired from whatever backwater job he works and is blacklisted from ever working in this town again." Kaiba menaced under his breath.

Joey's nostrils flared. "Don't you ever talk about my family like that again you fucking rich dickbag. Doesn't matter how long I spend in prison or even if I get the death penalty- I _will_ kill you."

"Don't take me so seriously Wheeler. I was just trying to motivate you into reaching your full potential."

"I have potential?"

Kaiba stayed silent for a few moments before dodging the question. "So, what are we buying? You gotta pay everyone on payroll. My personal assistants, my maidservice-"

"I always thought they were robots like Chi!"

"They don't have those yet, idiot!"

"Doesn't matter. Nothing in this assignment says that I am you." Joey cleared his throat.

"You think anyone else on this _planet_ could run Kaibacorp? You're me, whether you like it or not." Kaiba slowly pulled the egg over towards him.

"All you do all day is count money. I could do that." Joey snarked.

Kaiba scoffed. "You have no _clue_ what you're talking about. We're doing this my way."

"Okay, fine, I'm you," Joey cleared his throat. "So...payroll...male strippers, drug dealers, gay pornography directors-"

"We all know what you'd do if you had two quarters to rub together, Wheeler," Kaiba interrupted. "now stop being a fag and pay attention."

"On average, how many male prostitutes do you think you go through a week?" Joey asked, a look of mock thoughtfulness on his face.

Kaiba shook his head. "Fuck yourself."

"Hey, why don't you go have your happy time with 'Princess' Adina to make yourself feel better?" Joey snickered. "Virtual reality, allowing a Kaiba to get pussy for the first time in the history of the Kaibas or pussy."

"You have a deathwish, you know that?"

"Mr. Kaiba, Mr. Wheeler, there are women present in this classroom." The professor interjected, leaning down towards the pair. "Now kindly make yourselves productive."

The professor walked away, leaving Kaiba to slowly pull out some documents from the envelope they had received days before.

"Right." Kaiba looked over some of the figures. "Huh. I make more than that." He looked over at Joey. "I pay more than this in taxes. You're doing a pretty shitty job."

"It's not my fault that my company has terrible name like Kaibacorp." Joey countered.

"Right. So, your...poor imitation of my company has received a gross profit of two hundred and fifty million dollars over the past week." Kaiba nodded. "Now...we have payroll for two hundred thousand employees worldwide, upkeep costs, electricity, public relations investments..."

"Kaiba, I am sure that he just wants me to pay basics like, house and electricity... and food and stuff."

"Hey, we're doing this my way, Wheeler. You know nothing about running a major organization. You probably think Stock Dilution is accomplished by pouring water in it." Kaiba reached down and pulled up a large, heavy backpack.

"You really know how to suck the fun right out of an assignment," Joey folded his arms and tilted back in his chair. As Joey started to rest his eyes, Kaiba threw a pencil at his face.

"Yo boss, have to write. I am a house wife and not permitted to actually work on the assignment when it pertains to business."

Joey picked the pencil up off the floor. "Put that backpack down, Kaiba. We're in the middle of class, nobody wants to see your gay porn collection."

"This backpack is your life for the next six weeks, Wheeler." He dropped it heavily into Joey's lap. "This is how you run Kaibacorp. Summarized and abridged for your lower intellect to comprehend, of course."

"You call this abridged?" Joey grunted, pushing the backpack to the floor, making a heavy thump on contact. "Fuck this, I run Kaibacorp my own way. My first new policy is I place a billion dollars in a big pile on the lawn and all my employees just come up and take as much as they can in a wheelbarrow."

"Yeah, I know just where you'll run Kaibacorp. Right into the fucking ground."

"Just let me work, woman!"

Joey started to look some of the documents over. Kaiba took the opportunity to pick the egg up delicately in his left hand, taking a marker up to it and delicately painting a pair of eyes and frowning face on the surface.

"Boring." Joey jumped up from his chair before Kaiba could react and walked across the room to where Yugi and Téa were meticulously decorating their seven eggs with an array of paints.

"Oh look, Téa ! Michelle here has your big, beautiful eyes." Yugi said, slowly going over one of the egg surfaces with a brush.

"Curtis has your adorable little dangling bang." Tea replied, painting an egg of her own.

"If you name them it's only going to make it harder when you have to chuck them in six weeks." Joey said warningly.

"So Joey...what's it like, being married to a complete doucherocket?" Téa asked, looking up from her egg.

Joey shrugged. "Douchey. Can't believe the mouth on him. I should get bonus points for putting up with his ass."

"And your poor egg will have to suffer the friction of your relationship!" Téa added in mock sadness.

"He's not...he's not as bad as you're making it out to be," Yugi said slowly. "And I guarantee you'll do well on the assignment if you listen to him and do what he says."

"Listen to Kaiba?" Joey growled. "I'd rather fuck a cactus."

"Wheeler! What do you think you're doing?" The professor called out from the front of the classroom, sitting at his desk, looking at Joey with a tired expression.

"Exchanging parenting tips. I'm not sure if I like sunny-side or scrambled more, just trying to get a second opinion-"

"Get back to your seat," the teacher groaned, pointing at Kaiba.

Joey shrugged and strolled back over to Kaiba, who was glowering at Joey the whole way.

"You're making me look bad," Kaiba snapped as Joey took his seat nonchalantly. "Just like you make the whole fucking human race look bad."

Joey remained silent and started working on his assignment. He was able to fill in the basics that the skeleton made painfully easy. He pulled out a scratch piece of paper to work on the math where his enormous fortune was going. He started with the house payment and the basic bills as they were set in stone. He moved on to food next and went with what he knew could get three people by. Kaiba looked over his shoulder and almost looked sick at the low amount of money Joey had written down for food.

"Aren't you going to spend more on that?"

"I will if we have enough by the time I get done paying all these bills."

Kaiba gave a half smile and looked away. "Is that how much you live on?"

"Ummm... I added $100 to the total because I know what feeds two adult men-"

"OK," Kaiba said quickly.

Suddenly, the bell rang, leaving much to do on Joey and Kaiba's budget. They were no where near finished. Joey walked up to the teacher, "I am not done yet. Can I just finish it at home?"

"Turn it in before school starts tomorrow," Mr. Tanaka huffed.

Joey smiled and nodded. He stuck his assignment in his backpack and swung it over his shoulder. To Kaiba's surprise, Joey picked up the second backpack and put it over the other. With a cheesy salute, Joey left the classroom.

**A/N: First- Coal Paper has been a great help in helping me write this story. Be sure to check him out! **

**Second- I hope it was worth the slightly over a month long wait. I hope I don't make you wait that long for a chapter for this story again. I just needed a break. There is a lot going on in my life right now. But, I am back, and I'm feeling better. **


	10. Clumsy Falling in Style

Joey sat down on his bed and dumped the contents of the backpack Kaiba had given him. Three large binders toppled out. Joey sighed, knowing how much extra work Kaiba had dumped on him. He opened up the first binder, writing notes as his skimmed along looking for numbers. When he finished, about three hours later, Joey had taken two and a half pages of number notes. He had major calculations ahead of him thanks to his dickbag partner.

A numbing sensation swooned through Joey's head so he laid back, taking deep breaths to relax himself. Despite his pounding temples, he thought about taking a well deserved nap. Ten, deep breath, nine, deep breath, eight, deep breath, seven, deep breath- three sudden bangs came to the door. Joey got up quickly propelling himself to the door. He opened it to see his father.

"Your friends need to stop calling here. I'm sick of answering this God-damn..." Joey's father slipped into incoherent mumbling as he handed the phone off to his son.

"Hello?" Joey scratched the back of his head.

"How's our assignment?"Joey heard Kaiba asked in low gravely voice.

"Got through the first of three binders and..." Joey picked up his notes and continued "I have two pages of number notes"

Kaiba sighed. "Well, you're going to be hopping into a car that's waiting outside your apartment right now so I can double check all of your work."

Joey grumbled as he heard the other end go silent and his phone began to beep. "Asshole..."

.

Ryou held up a pair of straight leg pants, "Are these alright?"

Duke slapped his forehead in disappointment, "No Ryou, you go baggy to look manly and skinny to look sexy. And sadly, skinny jeans just make you look like a chick, so we must go manly."

Ryou sighed and looked at the clock. He'd only been there for five minutes and he already wished that he brought his picture of his mother for comfort during these trying times. Usually by channeling the picture, he could get an idea of what his mother wished for him to do or what she would have wanted him to wear. Suddenly a hand connected with the back of his head.

"Get your head out of the clouds and your ass into the dressing room!" Duke shoved him in the direction of the men's dressing room.

"How many," the man behind the dressing room counter said.

Ryou turned to count the clothing items in Dukes arms, "Oh! One, two, three...-"

"Seven items," Duke said quickly grabbing a number and shoving a helpless Ryou into an open and empty dressing room.

"Time to get you in style," he said. His eyes looked possessed with lust. His wandering hands found their way to the bottom of Ryou's shirt. Ryou squeaked as Duke's long fingers lifted up his shirt up over his head. Hands still trapped by the fabric, Ryou let out a gasp. "Do you want it?" Duke asked in almost a whisper, "Do you want them all?" Duke's tongue flickered under Ryou's ear.

"Ah!" Ryou winced as he felt the shadow of Duke's tongue. With the release of the trapped air in his chest he let out a soft moan that only Duke could hear. "Yes, give it all to me."

Duke pulled off Ryou's shirt and went to work on his style.

.

Kaiba led Joey to the study. A fireplace, a cherry wood desk, oriental rug, creepy paintings- Why does every house that isn't his look haunted to him? Well, Yugi's house was nice an cozy and lived in. But Kaiba's stuff... who decorated? The Addam's family?

"Sit down. I'll go get us some snacks."

Joey nodded and sat down. He pulled out the necessary items from the backpacks to continue his assignment. So much math, Joey thought. He continued working despite the dauntingly large numbers on his paper.

Joey looked up at the clock. It does not take twenty minutes to get tea.

Joey rolled his eyes. He got up from Kaiba's desk. He took a deep breath before going to the door; the corner of which caught his foot and he began to fall. It was only about halfway through the fall that Joey noticed that Kaiba was right in front of him. A large crash, spilt tea, crackers and cheese everywhere; and the biggest shock of all was the Goddess of Luck not being around to bless Joey with her grace once more.

Joey immediately pushed himself off of Kaiba. Joey rubbed his mouth with the vigor of a child. Kaiba stood up.

"Shi-"

"Go," Kaiba said in a dark tone.

Joey went to collect his things but two guards stopped him in his tracks.

"What gives? I just want-"

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the property as Mr. Kaiba has just demanded that you leave the property at once."

"But my stuff."

"Mr. Kaiba will return your things at a later date."

"Tsk," Joey turned and exited Kaiba's mansion as quickly as he could. As he reached the outer gates a driver offered him a ride home but he turned them down. He didn't want a Kaiba handout. Not after the bullshit he just pulled. A breath escaped the depths of his chest. He had a long walk ahead of him.

.

On his way home he saw Ryou and Duke standing outside the mall. Oh crap, Joey thought. He veered to the left but out of the corner of his eye he could see Ryou and Duke running up to him waving their arms. Ryou tripped and nearly fell in the middle of the crosswalk. Joey gave up on the idea that they would leave him alone if he just kept walking. There was no way out of it.

"Hey," Joey turned and gave a weak and stilted wave towards the two boys running after him.

"Hey Joey!" Duke said, "What a great time to see you, me and Ryou were just talking about you." Duke gave his hair a twirl.

Ryou finally caught up to Duke. He was breathing heavily. "How do you keep these pants up anyway?"

Joey gave Ryou a weird look but looking down he saw Ryou's pants. They were sagging nearly down to his knees. It wasn't his style at all.

"Got a girl you are trying to impress?" Joey said with a chuckle hanging in the back of his throat.

"Something like that," Ryou blushed and turned away shyly.

"I don't see why you would have any issues getting girls but, if you want to change up your style..."

Duke slapped Joey on his back, "So when you coming by for more lessons?"

"Ugh..." Joey began to sputter. He wanted to say 'never'. But, somehow, Joey knew Duke wouldn't take that for an answer.

"How about now? You got time right Ryou?" Duke said looking over his shoulder.

"Yeah! That sounds great! If it is alright with you Joey," Ryou said with a chipper smile.

Joey looked to either side of him.

"I'll take that as a yes! So lets all go to Ryou's!" Duke said grabbing Joey's arm and pulling him in the direction of Ryou's house.


	11. Cold Calling

A/N: Well here is your next chapter. Duke, Ryou, and Jou goodness. Thanks the7joker7 for the beta work!

Ryou shyly dialed the number on his phone. His eyes shifted from Duke to Joey. His heart was pounding. Why... why had he done those things with Duke in the dressing room? Nerves on edge; his foot shook his entire body. He sighed, "She isn't home, I don't think."

Duke narrowed his eyes at Ryou.

"Dial again?" Ryou asked.

Duke nodded.

He dialed the number again and on the first ring someone picked up.

"Umm, hello?" Ryou's voice managed to squeak up. Ryou suddenly dropped the phone onto the couch when a high pitched scream came through on the line.

"RYOU!"

Duke grabbed the phone and pressed it back up to Ryou's ear. "Would you like to come to a party?"

"OH. MY. GOD. RYOU!"

Ryou pulled his head away from the phone. He heard two girls talking to each other.

_"Mercedes! Ryou just invited me to a party!"_

_"What? O.M.G.! I can't believe it! I want to come to!"_

_~squeeling~_

_"I don't know if you can..."_

_"Oh come on just ask him!"_

_"Ok!"_

Ryou could some how tell the girl had focused her attention back on the phone and put the phone closer to his ear.

"Of course I will! Can my friend come? Please Ryou, please!"

"Sure. Bring all the friends you want. I am quite certain you... know wh-whe-where I live. Do you still need the address?"

The girl hung up.

"Your turn Joey," Ryou shoved the phone into Joey's hands.

Joey looked almost as if he didn't know what Ryou wanted from him. The phone was somehow alien, asking him to dial the number of some fangirls who might be interested... Joey wasn't even certain if he really had raging fangirls. No matter how many girls liked him, he couldn't ignore that every boy in school that wasn't Yugi or Tristan was calling him a fag.

Duke flitted through a few pages of his little black book before he turned it to show Joey. "This girl," he pointed at her name before setting the book down on the couch.

"She likes me?"

"Not yet... but she will. She's a very easy-to-please girl." Duke winked.

Joey turned his head in skepticism. "What exactly do you mean?"

Duke just shrugged. He tapped the girl's number again. "Call her now and invite her to the party."

Queasy. Stomach flipped, flopped. He dialed the number nervously biting his lip and squirming.

"Hello?"

"Hello. What do you need baby?"

"Um, I'm calling to invite you to Duke Devlin's party-"

"OH! I see. So, the boy has thrown me some fresh meat. You're going to have to... please me first."

The woman's voice was sexually charged. Joey gulped. She sounded like she was directly from a porno. A very hot porno.

"Wha-What would you like me to do? To please you I mean! I mean-"

"Hush. Tsk tsk. Such an innocent darling aren't you? Well, tell me something dirty and I will be at your party. What would you like to do to me?"

"Ummm..." Joey's heart raced as he searched his empty head for an answer. This woman sounded so hot.

"Times a wasting. Five, four, three, two, one."

"Touch your boobs!"

"And? You got any more? What is your fantasy?"

Joey closed his eyes and tried not to pay attention to the two boys leaning in to hear her.

"Touch your boobs, push them together up... suck on 'em. How big are they?"

"As big as you want baby."

"Put my penis in between them"

Joey was rubbing his leg. The thought gave him a hard on. The thought alone was enough to set off a small moan and for him to be so engulfed by his own thought- that he didn't notice Duke snickering.

"I'll be there. You just tell Duke to invite me himself next time."

"O-Okay," Joey turned beat red as he came down from his small high. He threw the phone at Duke and glared at him. Joey stood up and walked away to the bathroom.

"Woah. He's mad Duke. Why'd you do that to him?" Ryou gave a small hit to Duke's shoulder with the back of his hand.

Duke sighed. He stretched his arms not saying a word about it. He shrugged again.

Ryou stared at him. "Your turn. And never do something so mean to Joey again. That... that was just-"

"Okay. Stop."

Duke stood up and paced around the living room; book in hand.

"It is your turn," Ryou pointed out. "Pick out something embarrassing to make it up to Joey."

Duke rolled his eyes, letting his entire body fall into the roll. "We might want to hold off on that until Joey gets out of the bathroom."

"Why- ohhhh..." Ryou trailed off as he had come to the realization.

Duke laughed. "Seriously Ryou?"

"OK." Ryou snapped. He was truly embarrassed to have such a blond moment. "Just pick someone out and be done." Ryou took a deep breath, "Then my turn, we should skip Joey, and have you go again."

Duke sat down next to Ryou, "I found who I'm inviting next." He showed Ryou the open page in the book.

"Her?" Ryou looked truly surprised. How could he ever compete with that.

.

It only took a few minutes to relieve himself, but Joey didn't feel like coming out of the bathroom just yet. "They know what you did," he mouthed at himself in the mirror. Joey turned on both fasets. He cupped some water in his hands and splashed some on to his own face. He squinted an eye toward the towel rack. "Mmnnph," he groaned into the towel. "Better."

"Get a hold of yourself. Just... act like... just...," Joey sighed, "laugh at it if they do."


	12. The Punchline? Sock it to Me!

_Girls. Girls. Girls. The room was filled with them. A few token male plus ones, but not many. Girls. High heels, perfume, mini skirts, low cut shirts, hair spray smell in the air; it's all intoxicating. The sexuality, the smell of a girl being horny wanting to be with that guy. Which guy? Most guys wish they knew- or maybe they already know but they know it isn't them; try anyway? Trip over themselves trying to be sexy for them. The women. All that power bestowed upon them with grace they dance the night away. Taunting. _

"Joe, are you OK?" Ryou inquired.

"Hn? Yeah, yeah," Joey said almost in a yawn. Ryou tipped up to his toes and started to fix Joey's bangs. Joey leaned down into it. "Better?"

Ryou nodded. "Yeah, I think so." Joey leaned back up against the bar counter. "So, there are a lot of girls here. Interested in one of them?"

Joey stared downwards at the many high heels dancing around on the wooden floor. "Not sure yet." Joey sounded almost morbid.

Ryou grabbed Joey's hand. "Come on, I think you need some air." Joey followed Ryou to a bedroom. On the walls were posters of RPG games, wall scrolls of duel monsters, a small twin bed with blue covers and a white pillow. Fit for a dollhouse.

Joey looked down at Ryou for a quick glimpse but then realized that Ryou had been staring up at him the entire time. "If- if you need anything Joey..." A blush went across Ryou's pale face. He looked almost like a doll. "I-"

Violent knocks came at the door. "Dude! Get out here!" Duke yelled through the door. "You won't believe who is here!"

Joey gave a sympathetic look to Ryou and then walked out the door. And there she was. Perfectly done up to the immaculate measure one would expect when you see her. In a crowd that was wearing mostly red and black her purple outfit stood out. And in the age when straight hair is the fashion, she sported her large wavy locks with pride. Joey let his mouth gape open as he stared at her in awe. "How... how did you get her here?"

Duke winked "I am a master. Now go talk to her!"

Joey looked to see who was there on her left. "God. Duke, no. I can't."

"Wha? Why not? She is perfect for you!"

Joey pointed at the man standing next to her with spiky brown hair. He sighed hopelessly.

"Dude. How do you know if she is even actually with that guy?"

Joey just stared at Duke with wide eyes and emphasized with his hands as if to say 'I just do'.

"OK. I am going to be your wing man here. I am going to go distract what's his face and you are going to walk up and talk to the girl of your dreams. Ryou can go with you if you need someone to hold your hand as you seem comfortable with doing that."

Joey stepped a little away from Ryou, nervously rubbing his hands on his jeans. Ryou shuffled his feet.

"Ta!" Duke said as he bounced off. Joey and Ryou watched and Duke smoothly placed his hand on Valon's back. Though there was some protest (probably from the thought of leaving Mai's side at a rowdy party) Duke managed to move him away.

Joey nervously looked to each side before jaunting up to a few feet away from Mai. Mai was gazing into a drink. She had a soft smile. She caught Joey in her perifial.

"Oh!" she jumped. "I... I didn't know you'd be here. Duke said some important people but..." A genuine smile danced on her lips once more.

They both laughed bashfully. "I... I didn't either to be honest. So, how're you? Anything new?" Joey flashed a classic candid smile.

"Oh there's so much. But I'm happy to see you, hun." Mai reached out her arms and gave Joey a hug. As she pulled away Joey noticed her left hand. A ring. "Congratulations." Joey pointed at the ring.

Mai let out a laugh. "Thank you!" She hugged him again. "You're the nicest kid you know that?"

Joey scuffed his shoe on the ground. "Thanks Mai. I hope you are happy with the lucky guy." He paused for a moment and just soaked in a few minutes. Maintaining a big smile all the while. "Well, I gotta get back to this party. It is really fun! Lots of ladies!"

"Go get em tiger!" She winked. "They all think you are hot stuff! Just brag about Duelist Kingdom." She stuck out her tongue a bit and teased.

"I will and you know it." Joey gave a peace sign and walked away from Mai. A sick feeling came over his stomach. It was over. The better man won.

Joey danced his way through to the center of the crowd of girls. As soon as one girl made eye contact, she was all over him. Grinding, dancing really sexy, flipping her piecey blond hair from side to side like a stripper. To his side another girl joined in. She had a barrette to keep her sweeping brown bangs out of her eyes. Her hands glided up Joey's thigh. Two more girls saw that Joey still had room available and joined. The queasy feeling Joey started dancing to get out of his system only grew. His skin crawled with it. And this girls? He didn't want them. None of this felt right.

Joey put his hands up to all the girls to get them to stop. "I- I need to go to the bathroom."

All the girls stepped aside and let Joey leave the crowd. Joey looked around for refuge. The bathroom was occupied and had a small line. _Ryou's room. _Joey jetted passed the door and shut it and the party out behind him. Peace.

He walked over to the bed and gently lay himself on it. He looked up at the ceiling before taking a deep breath and slowly closing his eyes.

_I've spent all this time running around doing stupid things for all the girls when all I really wanted was one woman who makes me feel special inside._

.

Duke was wading through a crowd of girls. when he got through, Ryou was on the couch with four girls around him. They were all touching him and he was kissing one. "Ryou!"

Ryou snapped to Duke's attention at first, but he soon started lazily kissing the girl on the other side of him.

"Ryou! Where the fuck is Joey?" Duke asked.

Ryou stopped and glared at Duke. "I really don't care, Duke. Why don't you leave him alone too?"

Duke let out a huff before taking off.

.

Joey heard a rapid succession of bangs on the door. "Ah, shit," Joey muttered.

"Joey you better be fucking busy in there!" Duke shouted through the door.

Joey got up and opened the door. "No. I'm just gettin' a moment of peace." His calm response only stood to infuriate Duke further.

"Dude, I trained you so go out there and get all the girls! Now go take what is yours!" Duke enthusiastically pointed out the door.

"Duke. She's taken. She's engaged." Joey scratched the back of his neck

"Break it up then! You want her, take her! Unless you don't think you are better than some motorcycle dork!" Duke scoffed.

Joey furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you saying Duke? Cause I just want to make sure."

"Break. Them. U-" Duke's banter was quickly stopped. He was out cold. Joey shook his hand. _Teeth marks. Never punch with my knuckles_. He shook his head. _Bastard_. Joey kicked Duke's unconscious body and spit on him.

"I'm done with this."

**A/N: This is the last chapter. YUP! Last chapter. I feel so happy to have finished something. I am very proud of my work here. Please review and let me know what you thought. Don't give away the ending to other people. :D BUT- PLEASE tell me if you loved it. Tell me what you thought.**


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